


Not Strong Enough

by MeganMoonlight



Category: Caprica (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Love/Hate, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-30
Updated: 2011-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-20 21:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeganMoonlight/pseuds/MeganMoonlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joseph can't help it. It's like an addiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Strong Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of my gift for [Bachaboska](http://bachaboska.livejournal.com/). We talked, and she wanted to read non-porn Joseph/Daniel fic, maybe based on Joseph and Dnaiel's relationship from the first episode. Here it is. Porn-free, angst and Josheph/Daniel. Well, I hope it's angsty. I mean, I've never even tried writing angst so I have no idea if it's good or now. I still don't ship them, but... I like making [Bachaboska](http://bachaboska.livejournal.com/) happy!
> 
> Also can be found **[*HERE*](http://megan-moonlight.livejournal.com/271085.html#cutid1)**

He should go. He knows it. Every time he visits or spends the night, he feels like he has to leave and just forget about everything that ever happened between them, but he can’t. Doesn’t matter how hard he tries, he just can’t let go and it scares him. It drives him crazy and he wants to scream, yell at Daniel, hit… something. But at the same time, he knows he can’t live without Daniel’s presence in his life.

“This… this can’t go on, Daniel. I can’t go on like this,” he said when he got up from the bed in the morning, feeling even worse than the night before. That night he desperately needed to see Daniel and came to visit him when he made sure everybody at his home were asleep. He kissed Willie on the forehead and left as quietly as he could.

The first time they met he felt closer to Daniel than to any other person since Shannon died. It was so easy to just sit there and drink coffee in silence, sharing the pain with somebody, simply be there without having to worry about things like talking, his job, his duties and responsibilities. Even if they didn’t know each other at all, this short time spent with the other man made him feel better somehow. Not in every sense of this word, but… with Daniel, he could just… forget about everything that happened. He knew it was wrong. Daniel was dangerous. Their relationship was dangerous, and it’d just get even worse if somebody found out. They shouldn’t have started this in the first place. Too much risk. Daniel had a wife, he had to take care of Willie. Every time he thought about his son, he felt like he was betraying his family.

Daniel didn't say anything at first. He just stared at Joseph.

Joseph sighed, hid his face in his hands and sat down in the chair next to the bed. He couldn’t look at Daniel right now. He knew that if he looks he would change his mind, he'd stay. He had to be strong, but those… feelings he had for Daniel were strong, too. It was all about Daniel.  
Joseph knew Daniel needed him just as much as he needed Daniel, if not more. It was clear from the first time Daniel kissed him after he told Joseph about his plans towards Tamara and Zoe. The kiss wasn’t gentle or soft. It was a battle for dominance, biting, stroking, bruising. He wanted to stop it, tell Daniel it can’t happen and never will, but he was too lost in the feeling of the other’s lips against his own. After not being with anybody, not feeling the touch, the closeness of somebody who cares, he became very attached to Daniel. He wanted to end it, tell Daniel everything, but something inside him always managed to stop him.

And there was Sam. He didn’t like the fact that he had to lie to his brother to keep his and Daniel’s relationship in secret. It was risky and not just because Sam wouldn't be very happy about it - it’d probably end with one big fight, and he didn’t want that. There was also the feeling that he’s cheating on his wife, even if she wasn’t here anymore. Betraying Willie, Sam, the rest of his family, Tauron… and even if it wasn’t completely true, he couldn’t fight this feeling that appeared every time he was with Daniel. He didn’t want to think about what Sam would say if he would find out. And Joseph knows it’ll happen sooner or later. He has his ways and Joseph was sure his brother already started to suspect something. He wasn’t stupid.  
The worst thing about it was the fact that he always forgets about it all when Daniel is close to him. It happens every time Joseph was ready to walk away, leave the old house – place of their meetings, behind him.

“I missed you,” he heard Daniel say quietly.

Joseph opened his eyes and met Daniel’s bright eyes the ones that he couldn’t stop think about.  
“Don’t say that,” he replied, got up and collected all his things: jacket, a watch and his hat. Without looking back he opened the door to the room they always slept in. He was ready to leave, when Daniel said:  
“I mean it, Joseph.”

When he heard his name, he had to fight the urge to come back to bed right away and stay there with Daniel a little longer. He just closed his eyes, to keep himself from doing something stupid. Instead he couldn’t help replying. “I know.”

‘Me too,’ was left unsaid. He didn’t want Daniel to hear it. Everything would just get even more complicated. He couldn’t be so weak. Opening himself even more than he already did to Daniel Graystone wasn’t a good idea and he promised himself that he won’t reveal anything more to this man. The man that already knew more about him than Joseph wanted him to know…  
He left the room, but couldn’t bring himself to close the door. The door that could separate him from Daniel. Not yet.

He wasn’t strong enough.


End file.
